“Who is that red man in the bathroom?”
My child asked.
Her voice trembling with fear.
Her small hand wrapped around
The edges of her pyjama top.
“There is no man in the bathroom”
I assured her.
I took her hand in mine,
Shaking like a leaf,
As cold as ice.
As we walked the dark hallway
As we adventured back to her room,
She stopped by the bathroom door.
Her eyes locked on the metal handle,
Stained with blood.
“You’re seeing things darling”
I nudged her on,
But it was too late.
She reached out,
Then she screamed.
I pulled her back and held her close,
I prayed she thought this was a dream.
But her little mind was too far gone,
I can’t imagine what she thought,
I don’t want to.
“He’s in there!
His eyes are white,
I think he’s dead,
He’s dead dad,
He’s just hanging there!”
I brought her face to mine,
Those sweet innocent eyes,
Tarnished, wading in pools of
Tears and blood.
They were too young for this.
“It’s okay, I promise!
I just cut myself shaving”
I prayed she’d believe me but
If I can’t convince myself,
How can I convince her?
She fought my grasp
And tore open the door,
Casting shadow on the floor.
Clutching at empty shapes
In a cocktail of hope and dread.
“He’s here daddy”
But her hands found nothing,
And the shadows that had been cast,
Turned to doubt
With a flick of the lightswitch.
I saw those eyes,
Those tear-stained, petrified eyes.
It won’t happen tonight,
It won’t happen tomorrow,
She’ll never know.
“There’s no one here honey,
Now go back to bed.”
As I tried to assuage
The thoughts in her head,
As I tucked her in, and kissed her goodnight.
And as she slept,
I slunk back to fix my mistake.
I closed the door and took a step back,
Ready to face the truth,
I stared at the mess I left behind.
It was my shadow, my second skin.
Red for the blood,
Black for the bruises.
I raged at myself and my stupidity,
I don’t want to be her nightmares
Maybe one day she’ll understand,
I’m doing this for her,
So she can have a better world,
So she can be safe.
She must never know who I am.
Question from Rebecca L. from Facebook
Mxcellany - Poetry, Music, Art 