food and drink – Mxcellany – Poetry, Music, Art

NaPoWriMo Day 21

(Yes, I’m a day behind again, leave me alone. For context, today’s poem is based on a genuine quote I heard when trying to milk in my city and features a LOT of slang/Scottishisms)

Dinnae buy almond milk,
It tastes like garden gnomes.
Coo isnae short for cashew, ken?
Cashew is just a noise rich folk make when they sneeze.
And I dinnae ken wit soya is,
Soya is wit I did yesterday when I was round yer hoose.

You cannae tell me that ye cannae milk a nut,
’cause that’s what yer ma wis daein’ last night.

© Emilie C Black, 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 6

Whatever happened to tea?
It used to just be a basic brew
With milk and two and
That was enough for me.

Because it’s no longer a matter of
Black and white.
Between the red and green,
A million shades I’ve never seen;
Light, gold, and brown,
A veritable spectrum,
An LGB-Tea-

What the fuck happened to tea?
I just want a basic brew
With milk and two but
That’s not good enough for you

I thought ethically sourced was
Par for the course
But now I can’t buy Tetley
Without feeling remorse.
Fair trade is in retrograde,
We’ve all been betrayed
Into supporting a slave trade-

And I wish
I didn’t need a degree in geography
To order a cup of fucking coffee,
Leafing through Encyclopedia Britannica
To find the difference between
Colombian and Arabica,
But worst of all:

I was tricked
And dunked a rich biscuit
In a cup of green hibiscus.
It. Was. Vile.