In Haiku form.
In his special way,
He guards the stove and toaster
Hail, Kitchen Goblin.
Arsenal of spoons,
Crown made of foil, forks and card,
Hail, Kitchen Goblin.
You enter his realm,
Cutlery and insults fly,
Hail, Kitchen Goblin.
“Gerrout my kitchen!”
He shouts, as marmite hits you.
Hail, Kitchen Goblin
You fight ’til first sauce,
Your shirt reddens with ragu,
Hail, Kitchen Goblin.
He squeaks out, “Fuck Off!”
You run, embarrased and bruised.
Hail, Kitchen Goblin.
From my mate, Dave.