Tag: comedy

NaPoWriMo Day 21

(Yes, I’m a day behind again, leave me alone. For context, today’s poem is based on a genuine quote I heard when trying to milk in my city and features a LOT of slang/Scottishisms)

Dinnae buy almond milk,
It tastes like garden gnomes.
Coo isnae short for cashew, ken?
Cashew is just a noise rich folk make when they sneeze.
And I dinnae ken wit soya is,
Soya is wit I did yesterday when I was round yer hoose.

You cannae tell me that ye cannae milk a nut,
’cause that’s what yer ma wis daein’ last night.

© Emilie C Black, 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 18

AKA Harry Potter Limerick Day 6

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Now that Snape has killed Dumbledore dead,
Voldemort’s finally gotten ahead.
He’s got domination on his brain
And he’s clearly insane,
But that’s what happens your family is inbred.

© Emilie C. Black, 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 17

AKA Harry Potter Limerick Day 5

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Fudge said “Diggory’s death was mysterious”
Umbridge said “Harry Potter’s delirious”.
Voldemort got in Harry’s head,
Told him someone was dead and he thought
“Surely you cannot be Sirius”

© Emilie C. Black, 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 10

I walk these cobbled closes
And pathways paved with memories
That wear down with every step,

Pacing day after day,
Trying to remember and forget
The stories that haunt these streets.

I curse the ground beneath my feet
I curse the will that keeps me walking
Through constant pain.

I struggle to hear myself talking
And curse the rain and its echoes
That sound like mocking applause.

I think back to everyone I’ve lost
And finally accept
I’m not cut out to be a tour guide.

© Emilie C. Black, 2020